Possessing Me: A Memoir of Healing

I first encountered Jane through her posts on the Tao Bums (where she posts as SFJane), a discussion forum for Chinese energy practices. She was a bit pugnacious, but a straight-shooter, and really seemed to know her stuff. Every so often she would hint at some pretty intense things about her past, and it sounded horrifically fascinating.She finally got around to writing a book. Possessing Me is her self-published autobiography.It's a pretty straightforward account of her life, presented in a linear chronological fashion, starting from childhood. To say that it is straightforward, though, is by no means a negative comment on the quality of the material. She writes very well, and describes in detail her intense emotional and physical abuse, first at the hands of her mother and stepfather, then at the hands of various mental institutions and acquaintances after she was abandoned and left to social services. She was diagnosed with a bucketful of psychiatric labels, including bipolar disease and schizophrenia, and doped up on intense psychiatric medications for a long time. She attempted suicide a few times and occasionally harbored homicidal tendencies.What sets this account apart in my mind, and the reason that I read it in the first place -- since I don't usually go for autobiographies -- is three things. First, she healed herself from her mental illness through Chinese energy practices -- qigong, specifically qigong as taught by B.K. Frantzis (an internal martial arts teacher who is fairly well-known in the community). Second, she did it almost all by herself. And third, she effected a *complete cure* from her psychiatric illnesses, i.e. she is not "in remission" and does not suffer occasional bouts of anything.This to me is a great ideal, and to read this account of someone who came from a much worse place than I've ever been, and who has gone through much worse than I've ever gone through, liberate herself through intensive dedication to self-analysis and energy cultivation is very inspiring. If someone like that can go from so low a place to achieve so much, then it is in most everybody's power, if they only set their course the right way.And let's be clear, she didn't have a lot going for her. Many physical injuries and traumas, poor and occasionally homeless, a minimal social support network. Yet somehow she drew on an amazing mental fortitude to burn through her limitations and traumas to free herself to a degree that the ordinary, only-normally-unwell person would be envious.An added bonus is that she writes very well, as I said. I read this book in a couple of days, and it flows easily even though it is not that short and the events described are emotionally dense. My only quibbles are just a few grammatical errors here and there.Highly recommended!

It has been about two weeks since I finished reading Jane Alexander's, "Possessing Me." I waited this long to write a review because I wanted to see what aspects of this book left a lasting impression on me. First off, Jane Alexander wrote this book with passionate prose. You can feel the intensity in her writing style and earnest hysteria in her recollections of her tumultuous past: Her childhood was full of parental abuse and the frustration of dealing with what doctors told her she had--Bipolar Disorder.But the frustration started long before her initial diagnosis. I do not want to give too much of the story away, but when Jane seeks help from a social worker as young kid, you are certain she will get the help she needs to not only incriminate her parents for child abuse, but also find a way out of what can only non-hyperbolically be called a living hell. However, not only did the social worker deem her living situation healthy, she even described her parents' domicile (which, being rather cluttered beforehand, had been thoroughly cleaned and organized in preparation for the social worker's visit) as a good Christian home. Nothing could be further from the truth. That is, unless you believe spare the rod and spoil the child means it is okay to drag your sleeping kid out of her bed and across the floor by her hair and then box her senseless, merely for missing a few spots while cleaning the dishes. That is only one of many abusive incidents that left me both angry and heartbroken for the young protagonist.However, Jane's story is not one of melancholic despair that will leave the reader feeling morose from learning of a tragic existence. Even as Jane is enduring living in mental hospitals, foster homes and alternative high schools for troubled teens, you know that there are two prophetic events that that will aide her in her recovery from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which most likely lead to her diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder: a combination of Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder. These events are when she visited her biological father in China at age 13 and saw people practicing Tai Chi (a type of Chi Gung exercise) for the first time, and when she purchased a book about Chi Gung, also referred to as Qigong, as a kid as well.Even as you read about her being administered a plethora of psychiatric drugs that are meant to cure of her of her illness, but only harm her both physically and mentally--Jane refers to the feeling of being on psychiatric drugs as having a chemical lobotomy--or when you learn about her near tragic suicide attempt, you know that Alexander will cure herself.However, the road to her recovery is not an easy one and reading Jane's recollections about her past is often not easy either. In fact, some of her actions might make the reader pass harsh judgment upon her, but perhaps one of Alexander's intentions in writing this book was to show that even people that society has given up on and thrown away, can become stable, successful and productive human beings.As Jane begins to heal herself, the harshness of the story turns into an exhilarating tale of recovery. An analogy that Jane Alexander herself might use is that the pre-recovery segment of the story feels like you are reading a book underneath the harsh fluorescent lights of a sterile, stuffy, high school classroom in a poor town. During her recovery, you are transferred to a Buddhist monastery, and reading by bright and calming candlelight.Alexander's book is certainly not the first about a young woman's trials with mental illness. I was reminded of two other books while reading Jane's memoir: Elizabeth Wurtzel's "Prozac Nation" and Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar." However, although both Wurtzel's and Plath's stories are excellent, it is hard to really take anything away from them except that mental illness is an arcane condition that no one really knows how to genuinely cure. One has to wonder: If Plath had learned about and practiced meditation and Chi Gung, would she have lived a full life and maybe even still be with us today (she would be nearly 80 years old) and conversely, if Jane Alexander had not become a practitioner of Chi Gung, would she have followed the same tragic path that Plath did? I think in both cases, the answer might surely be, yes.In summation, I highly recommend this book to anyone. Even if you yourself are not living with mental illness, chances are, someone that you care about is. This very candid and empowering book may help a person with psychological issues find the freedom that Jane Alexander found by curing herself of a supposedly incurable disease.

This is a tough read. I was so unnerved by the unrelenting trauma and misery of the first half of the book that I began to lose sympathy for the author, who I have a great deal of respect for from reading her excellent blog, Adventures of a Rebel Taoist. Readers get the picture and we can do with half the misery. Readers want to like the main character at some level, and too much criticizing of the family can have the unintended effect of losing our goodwill. The second half of the book is where the author shines. Based on sheer determination, she cured herself and shed the psychiatric labels and the medications that had been assigned to her. By doing so, she disproves the "fact" that she had a lifelong "biochemical imbalance." She also demonstrates, in eventually overcoming her labels without resorting to further psychiatry, why there is such an epidemic of mental illness in the United States amongst children and teenagers from poor backgrounds. There is nobody around to advocate for them, so they become the cash cows and guinea pigs of the mental health system. Many of these diagnoses are bogus, especially when it comes to the poor. All kinds of diagnoses and medications don't fix the problems of dysfunctional families. Possessing Me should be a must read for college psychology courses. It's raw, but extremely well written. Jane Alexander is a true writer. She taught herself, naturally.

This book gave me hope where the American medical system failed me. A must-read for anyone diagnosed with mental illness.

Great book. As a chronic psychosis sufferer of several decades standing with the same diagnosis as jane I found some of the insights in here very useful. i would agree with the symptoms relationship to some kind of ptsd. The value of meditation and tai chi are obviously highlighted but a couple of other aspects struck a chord with me. I'm reminded of r d laings observation that the schizophrenics insanity is their attempt to cope with the insanity of the world around them. In that regard jane appeared to remove as much of the insanity as possible and largely aimed to be alone while healing. The other significant point was her time spent finding out what she liked and how various stimuli affected her. This is another important point in that disconnection from ones true self is another significant factor in illness often. By observing how things made her feel and whether she liked them or not she gained a deeper connection to who she really was or is. To realistically do all this does require being able to be alone enough and having good enough boundaries to remove sources of insanity of which in my view there are many out there in the world today. To be alone more I took to reading biographies of hermits etc. Cave in the snow by Vicki McKenzie a Buddhist nun is a good example. Complete seclusion or being a Buddhist isn't required, but removing all problem people sufficiently to be alone enough to heal probably is. Being a vocational hermit requires time and sufficient preparation and isn't necessarily for everyone, particularly those of a naturally extrovert personality. It also needs to be handled carefully so that one can differentiate between isolationist rejection of the world, born out of resentment and the healing space Jane created in her solitude. Ones symptoms can also initially worsen due to removing various distractions which may have suppressed them As a result of the example set by this book and many years of research in diverse fields I'm happy to report consequently my condition is steadily improving and Jane Alexander has been one part of a very long journey out of an incredibly overwhelming complex maze. For that I remain grateful and wish my fellow travellers the best of luck.

I first discovered Jane through her Youtube videos, which I thouroughly enjoyed, so I was very excited to find out that she'd written a book about her experiences. I read this book from start to finish and could not put it down! It goes into great detail about her struggles in child, teenage and adult life and how she eventually took a road less travelled and embarked on a journey of self healing. I found this book extremelly inspirational and is a story that really needed to be told. I would definitely recommend!

Great book, this woman has been through a heck of a lot. I had a bit of a rough childhood myself, not the abuse suffered by the author, but my old sister was acutely schizophrenic and my mother believed it was demons so from the age of 9 my household was a very dark and scary place. I wouldn't tell any of my friends about what went on at home and learned to keep a cheery facade to the outside world, but when I would get home there would just be shouting about demons, vile obscenities and general darkness everywhere. At 9 years old, I had to protect my mum from my sister attacking her... later on she would defecate on the carpet every other day. This went on until I left home at 18, by which time part of my personality and shut down and gone inward... it mainly affected my relationship with women, because when I was in college, many girls wanted to date me but I would shut them out because I would only let people get so close to me. I turned to the drugs and party scene for years, and bellow the surface the issues were never getting dealt with.Many years later, the issues which I have suppressed are starting to come out... and there are overwhelming emotions and patterns which are very scary to have to face. This book has helped me a lot in knowing that it's possible to rid yourself of these hardwired patterns through deep awareness and I am already starting to see a lot of progress after starting the exercises she references in her book (Bruce Frantzis).