Something's Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse--and Freeing Yourself from Its Power

This book is a helpful resource for people who are experiencing abuse or who think it is possible that they are but are not quite ready to call it abuse. It deals primarily with spiritual abuse that often manifests itself in faith communities, but is also applicable to other types of abuse that can occur outside of religious organizations (physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, etc.).Dr. Mullen shares his own story of his family’s healing journey after experiencing spiritual abuse as he breaks down some of the tactics used by people in positions of power to abuse others. He describes common red flags, language that should serve as a warning that something might not be right, and gives suggestions for handling such situations whilst also keeping yourself and your loved ones safe.I found the book to be well-written and accurate. I also related to some of the author’s story about the spiritual abuse his family endured and found his recommendations helpful. Further, there is a lot of great information here that people can use to help ensure that their faith communities are safe spaces for everyone and that they are aware of the steps they can take to be sure they are not perpetuating harm.The end of the book has a lengthy list of resources for people who have experienced or are experiencing various kinds of abuse so they can find the help they need. This includes resources for people who are not being abused that can be referred to in order to help create safe spaces for people in their communities.I do recommend this book.

I suffered spiritual abuse 6 years ago and I'm still untangling some of the lies I believed then. Recently, I found myself in a situation where another spiritual leader attempted to use manipulation to gain coercive control over me. Because of my past experience, I thankfully recognized the tactics immediately and put up the necessary barriers to prevent it from happening again.I read this book immediately following that situation as a way to develop some language that I can pass along to others under that same abuser. I want to help advocate for their healing as much as I can and this book is an excellent tool for that.As a spiritual abuse survivor, I want to encourage you, if you feel "something's not right," it probably isn't. Get this book and let it help you ask the right questions to sort out your confusion. It will help.

I grew up in church as a minister's kid so I heard a lot of stories of strange things ministry leaders said and did. But after I graduated college, moved from home, and started participating in a church as an adult in a church I loved and thought loved me, I experienced directly what I now understand was abuse. I was young, restless, and reformed and joined a one-year-old church in the ATL area whose lead pastor had a lot of clout in reformed circles, so they quickly gained my trust. I bought my first house in the area of the church, started serving on the music team, became a deacon, met my wife and got married at this church, and we were raising our children there. All that to say that this community was very formative in my life. Long story short, 10 yrs later, when my wife and I left the church and wrote a letter to the leaders highlighting just some of ours' and others' experiences that had caused us to lose our trust, their response made it clear that we made the right decision to leave. It was not long after leaving that I found Wade Mullen's writings on Medium and Twitter and everything he was writing about was as though he had been a psychologist observing our experience through a glass and detailing the analysis of behaviors. When my wife was reading this, she would frequently break the silence, "OH MY GOODNESS! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO!" We have many friends who have also since left because of similar experiences and we've been delighted to point them to this book for help in understanding what they've experienced. We also have friends still there who, because of their spouses, feel trapped. Though we left two years ago, our experiences still haunt us, but we are so thankful that this book helped us put a name to our experience. It's brought great freedom to us and enabled us to be there for others. If, by God's providence, you have experienced or seen wickedness in ministry leadership yourself, I hope you would be willing to take advantage of what you can learn from this book as a means to be a comfort to others. Peace be with you!

Kuddos to whoever designed this book: I really appreciated the callouts and the summaries at the end of each chapter. I think the book could have been bolstered by a bit more connection to research--which could help those who haven't experienced these kinds of dynamics confidence that Mullen knows what he's writing about. However, having been through similar experiences and watched them play out and wreck destruction, I am grateful for this book for the validation--I-am-not-alone, I-am-not-crazy--it provides. I have added it to the list of resources I recommend to others.

This book read like a policy manual for the church I left. Thank you for helping me to find adequate words and accurate descriptions of the attitudes and tactics I encountered there after exposing abuse. It was a very traumatic, hurtful chapter in my life, and I am still in the process of healing. I recommend this book to anyone enduring similar experiences.