The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing Audio CD – CD, June 2, 2015

The covid pandemic brought out the worst in us- both my husband and I realized we were in an emotionally abusive relationship and with the help of a great therapist and this book have begun to find our way back . I never screamed yelled, gritted my teeth, called names or cursed at my husband until we were deep within the covid pandemic and struggled as so many others did to get food, vaccinations, and cogent answers, losing work and income and missing family and friends. These are not excuses for the behaviors that resulted, and we are still trying to find our way back to a path of sanity. We talked of separating and only when I found, read, absorbed and tried out the ideas in the book in conjunction with our therapist’s sessions have we begun to think and believe that healing and continuation of our relationship may be possible.The book is organized to lead to understanding- first about identifying abuse and then about stopping it. That was hopeful because it was frightening to think about the suffering that both of us experienced and the behaviors we developed. The author lets us know she walked in our path and could lead the way forward with information and compassion for how we got here and how to help us find our way out.There are examples , questionnaires and activities, so it felt like a combination book and workbook - great value for the price of the book!)One of the reviews stated that there is the statement that all abuse is based on childhood emotional abuse , so I went back over the book looking at the author’s wording and I found it to be quite the opposite. She regularly/ states “most people…” , “it is very likely…”, and “nearly every person…” etc.The action steps in chapter 6 are a great summary, and there are also resources for follow-up. A great self-help resource, especially in conjunction with couple counseling.

This book has the some of the best systematic approach to addressing how one may have developed inconsistent boundaries and negative messages from an incomplete upbringing. The author's compassion and empathy for people whether they're "survivors" or "abusers" is refreshing. She recognizes that people are only able to cause great pain because they've experienced pain.I would recommend reading through the book with an open mind regardless of whether you're approaching it as someone who feels abused, is the abuser or just curious about what makes those kinds of interactions. We all can be emotionally abusive when pressed just right, and Engel's matter-of-fact and nurturing explanations really guides you to gain understanding and responsibility for things you hadn't considered before.She uses questionnaires, lists and example interactions to guide you through various concepts and action steps for building your own sense of self-esteem, self-awareness, and boundaries. She also breaks down some helpful descriptions for Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or tendencies) and has approaches for recognizing those traits in yourself, in someone else and what either person can do about it to enact change.Overall, it's a great book for learning about how to navigate expressing yourself in areas you feel vulnerable, whether you're in an emotionally abusive relationship or not. As a bonus, it teaches you how to notice, prevent, and manage potentially abusive behavior in yourself and others, too.Warning note -- this book should be primarily used for those who find themselves in frustrating and confusing situations, not one where you are in physical danger and has turned irrevocably toxic. If you read the chapter on whether you should leave or not, they emphasize that physical abuse is a sign to end the relationship and seek counseling. The book is geared more towards understanding the abuser rather than bolstering the "survivors" self-esteem into leaving a dangerous situation. It takes a good sober look at all the factors involved in a relationship becoming abusive, so it may have more discussion over why the "survivor" could be seeking out relationships such as these than some people are comfortable dealing with in their recovery stages.

Emotional abuse is not always well understood but is prevalent in many long-term relationships. This book was written 22 years ago but has a lot of wisdom gained from the author's experience, especially with Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Disorder patients. The only thing is the Narcissistic patients issues discussed are more the grandiose narcissist instead of the covert narcissist we know more about these days.In this book Beverly Engel provides the same advice and recommendations she gives her clients. Basically she's counseled a lot of couples and has seen varying patterns of abuse going on in their lives. What this author provides is deep insight into why someone would put up with emotional abuse or dole it out regularly.It is interesting to think that in our relationships we are in a process of reenactment, trying very desperately to fix what was wrong in our relationships with our parents. Page 91-95 will make a lot of sense to people who were neglected or left alone a lot while growing up. Here are the real reasons people stay in relationships that hurt them, sometimes the alternatives seem worse!While reading, I felt like a caring friend was talking me through everything. This is one of those rare books where the author is compassionate to the abused and the abuser because she sees that the life history is often the same and people are acting out subconsciously. This book will comfort you with hope that things can change for the better. Just check the ratings on the film recommendations! I've seen very few of them!~The Rebecca Review

This is one of the best books ever written on recognising, learning and improving the relationship between partners who for whatever reason went way to far into the crazy circle of pointless arguments and quarrelling.I had that pleasure to be able to read it together with my partner and a knowledge and a recognition of those not really helpful patterns of behaviour learned from your parents, siblings, previous relationships etc. that we were both repeating in our marriage helped us to overcome a big big issues we were struggling with.I'm happy that we came across this author and her book and that we decided to purchase and read it together.

I will re-read this book. I recommend it to everyone who is stuck and not sure what to do. Good to read for both sides.

This book offers hope and helpful suggestions for recognising and responding to an emotionally abusive relationship. There is no "magic bullet," but there is hope and recovery for both the abuser and the one being abused. One thing I especially like is that it is explained that there is no right or wrong person in such a relationship, and some people are both abused and abuser. If you are feeling confused or hurt in a relationship, but you cannot get to the bottom of why you feel this way, read this book to help you sort out your feelings.

Good book

Great book, helps awareness of emotional abuse. Not gender-focused, covers also personality disorders. Has helpful questionnaires. The author’s point is that recovery and healing start not just by understanding what abuse is and that you are abused, but WHY did you let it happen/grow.The fact that it is also targeted to couple who I want to work together (not my case) can make some sections feel as not-applicable-to-me but still interesting.