A Friend in Me: How to Be a Safe Haven for Other Women

Reading this book has clarified some beliefs I already had and shown me some new perspectives. I think Lau puts into words the need we have in the church to truly reach out to other women. Safe Haven is an evocative term that I can use to explain the need I have and believe others have as well to have friends who care and listen and don’t judge and give space to grow up spiritually in a safe and loving environment.

My mornings begin with reading. The morning I started reading "A Friend in Me…" I was late for work. I couldn't put it down. Pam's writing style is so warm and inviting. As I read I felt as if she was sitting across the table from me, drinking our coffee together and having an intimate conversation.If you have ever wanted to mentor younger women, or struggle in doing so, this book will help you get on the right track.I have worked at a university for 19 years. Over the course of that time I have had many relationships with women much younger than myself. Thankfully, I have been able to develop a strategy for myself so that I remain open and vulnerable to the women that I encounter as they come to me for advise. Pam's book, based on research, gives the reader a keen insight into what women of all ages are really looking for: Authentic, honest, open, nonjudgmental relationships with other women.I especially appreciated Pam's open and honest conversation regarding conversations about sex. This is perhaps one of the most important chapters in this book. Personally, I appreciated her perspective. Sex is a topic that needs to be dropped from the list of "taboo subjects." We are sexual beings. Now more than ever, in the age of instant access to pornography, we need to have balanced conversations about our sexuality. Pam addresses this issue with boldness and balance.This is one book that I will be sharing with my own daughters and other women I know who are looking for more depth and meaning in their relationships. Thank you, Pam, for writing this book. It is certainly an encouragement to me but has also given me ideas for developing healthy relationships with women.

The bottom line in this book: Women need each other, especially in cross-generational connections. Pam Lau makes a strong case for need of deep, Christ-centered female relationships without the judgement, preaching, or condemning. This is a fabulous book with honest insight about the realities of what is lacking in personal female-to-female friendships, why there is distance between the older and younger generations, and the dire desire for real closeness. In this age of watching each other do our lives from the safety of social media, the disconnection leaves younger women wandering through life with questions, uncertainties, and misconceptions about what real-life looks and feels like, which can sometimes lead to devastating life choices/changes. Lau challenges that if we come alongside one another--DO life together--the connection between lives offers hope, understanding, and a chance to not only survive life's challenges but to find redemption and restoration in the shattered parts.Using Biblical references and personal experience from her own friendships, her own life-story, and her encounters with women from all over the nation, Lau lays out practical guidance on HOW to be refuge for one another. From the toughest conversations about sex, divorce and abortion to general everyday encouragement Lau teaches how to engage with each other without judgement or the need to "fix" what's wrong. I especially appreciated the specific focus on how to be comforting, compassionate, understanding, and forgiving. I know I need to be these things, but often I am not sure how.No woman needs to be doing life alone. That isn't what God intended. Read this book to learn why and to learn how to seize the opportunity to show the love of God IN the lives the younger women.

Right up front let me say that I highly recommend A Friend in Me, by Pamela Havey Lau. Now, let me tell you why.In her last chapter, chapter 10, Pamela challenges women to love with the same unfailing and loyal love (“hesed” love) that God showed his people in the Old Testament. This challenge is made possible in chapters 1-9 as Pamela shows women how to become safe havens so that those women we walk with in life will feel safe. It is in the context of feeling safe that a woman who is struggling, confused, hurt, shamed or just wanting to dive deeper spiritually can honestly share and not feel judged, but instead feel embraced and loved. In this context, true spiritual depth can take place.I have been in ministry as a bible teacher for many years and often find myself walking with hurting and struggling women. As a mentor, I often feel inadequate, not knowing how to make a real difference. Pamela’s book gives five life-giving patterns from Psalm 119 that challenged me to examine myself and ask, “Am I truly a safe haven for these women?” In each case, I realized I can become a safer person. As I become a safer haven, the Holy Spirit uses me to give His life to the beautiful women he brings into my life.Thank you, Pamela, for your incredible and practical insights. I want to be part of this movement that gives life to other women.

This book has spoke to my heart in every way possible and helped me so much, enabling a bigger perspective on how to love God, myself and others, how to be a safe haven for women in my life. Thank you for this wonder. I recommend it to every Christian woman, no matter her age.