The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

I recommend this book for anyone looking to feel more safe in the world. Excellent read, very informative and insightful wish I found this book sooner!

Very poignant and apt for these times. Read and learn and live.

"Real fear is a signal intended to be very brief, a mere servant of intuition. But though few would argue that extended, unanswered fear is destructive, millions choose to stay there. They may have forgotten or never learned that fear is not an emotion like sadness or happiness, either of which might last a long while. It is not a state, like anxiety. True fear is a signal that sounds only in the presences of danger yet unwarranted fear has assumed a power over us that it holds over no other creature on earth."~ Pg. 277I want to get this straight: this isn't a book, it's the script of a Criminal Minds episode. Okay, not really, but it feels like it. This nonfiction book is written with beautiful prose that reads like fiction and kept me turning page after page, like I needed to know what happened next, even though I've heard or read previously about most of the cases enlisted. It is compelling, if one word must describe it. A gripping (not to mention enlightening) look into violence, intuition and the human mind, all in 300 pages.Gavin De Becker goes in depth into many things through the course of this book. In the first chapters we explore not fear (the title is slightly deceiving) but instead the things surrounding fear and violence. Chapters one through six explore many topics including danger, intuition, violence and prediction. It is a valuable and fascinating tool, not only into the monster that all humans are capable of being but also into the human psyche in general.Throughout the remaining chapters, Becker delves into specific acts and aspects of violence and violent crimes (not only based off of the cases he has worked but based also on his personal experience) including but not limited too: people who can't say no, violence in the workplace (no, not just post offices), domestic violence, date stalking, violent children (thanks, for reminding me to be afraid of people my own age), and attacks against public figures.Probably the most interesting aspect of this book isn't the crime it explores, but the aspect of one's self that is explored. Including (but not limited too): how to learn to listen to yourself, learning that intuition isn't feminine, the differences between panic, anxiety, worry and fear (thought they were all the same thing, didn't ya?), and learning to differentiate between real and imagined threats. Oh, and we learn quite a bit about threats too.Ultimately, this book left me wanting to read it again, wanting to get everyone around me to read it and wanting to sit down for a chat with Gavin De Becker and ask him "what can you tell me about me?" but knowing better.

Bought copies for my nieces, as more often then not women are taught to shrink ourselves, be polite and accomodating, and sometimes to disastrous results. This book encourages one to develop their intuition and trust it, and lays out how with examples. High recommend!

I spent 20 years on the streets in local law enforcement. I always felt that the Temporary Restraining Orders (TRO) we served on stalkers and spousal abusers were as worthless, in most cases, as the paper they were written on. Usually they simply served as a salve to sooth our justice system's guilt over unwillingness or inability to take strong and immediate action, or develop alternative solutions. As Gavin de Becker so aptly points out, when it comes to committed stalkers and abusers, not only are they not afraid of a piece of paper, it incents them to even a higher degree of activity and perhaps violence. The author makes an excellent case that we should be much more judicious in evaluating such cases against a threat matrix and respond in different ways depending on the nature of the threat.I also greatly appreciate the author's discussion of the origins of fear and how important it has been in allowing mankind to develop. In addition to the twenty years I spent in law enforcement, I am also a Certified Body Language trainer and teach the power of nonverbal communication. As research has shown, what we call women's intuition is in reality the fact that women, on average, are far better at picking up nonverbal cues than men. That "intuition" was absolutely essential for the females of our species to survive in a very hostile world, where they were of slighter stature and needed to quickly detect threats around them. As the primary caregiver to children they also needed to be able to effectively interpret the cues and needs of infants and small children before spoken language.One interesting study involved showing short film clips with the sound turned off to groups of men and women. Women scored an incredible 87% accuracy in evaluating the situation shown in the video. Afraid guys we only scored 42%. fMRI scans reveal women use 14-16 regions of their brains during communication, while men only 4-6 areas (most women probably would dispute giving us that much credit-:)In modern society, in the interest of being "polite", we often suppress our natural intuition, our gut feelings. Back in my police career we didn't even have a term called Body Language. We only knew it as "street-smarts". One of my great fears has to do with my beautiful wife's suppression of her natural intuition around strangers, in the interest of being polite and non-judgemental. The nature of my our respective careers requires us to live in a dense urban area, surrounded by all sorts of threats. Dark parking lots, underground garages, elevators and streets filled with street people and drug addicts. While our building is very secure, once you are on the streets it's a whole different ball game. She has terrific intuition when she uses it. She is like a perfectly honed tuning fork when she is willing to trust her intuition, but due to her kind and trusting nature, she often suppresses it in the interest of being all-inclusive and accepting.Gavin de Becker's loud message to women, Trust your gut, Don't suppress your intuition, Don't worry about hurting some stranger's feelings is a powerful one. It is my hope that my wife and every woman will be willing to read the book, reflect on all the powerful stories in The Gift of Fear, including the author's personal story.

I asked a friend who was a psyvol major, to recommend a book on the subject. Great recommendation to anyone with an interest. Really makes you think and compare scenarios in your own life.

Apenas lo empece a leer y debo decir que es adictivo, casi sin darte cuenta pasas capítulo tras capítulo. El escritor explica las cosas fácilmente y pone ejemplos sencillos y cotidianos. La verdad que el regalo del miedo es un imprescindible para las mujeres que vivimos en entornos violentos (casi toda america latina y por lo que leí EUA).

I would recommend this to be read by everyone. Being a parent, I was able to relate to many things written in the book

Si quieres conocer el miedo, sus características, la información que nos aporta, sus formas y la forma de prevenirlo...Este libro es de gran utilidad. Ameno, interesante, con información y detalles que valen oro. Un ejemplar para leer en varias ocasiones.

“The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker is a compelling and thought provoking book that delves into the realm of personal safety and intuition. It challenges conventional wisdom by arguing that fear, often dismissed or suppressed, can be a valuable gift that can protect us from harm if we learn to listen to it.One of the key takeaways from the book is the importance of trusting out intuition. De Becker emphasises that intuition is not a mystical or supernatural force but a collection of our subconscious observations and experiences. He provides numerous real-life examples and case studies to illustrate instances where individuals ignored their gut feelings and paid the price.Throughout the book de Becker explores the concept of pre-incident indicators. These are warning signals that, if recognised and heeded, can help us identify potential threats or dangerous situations before they escalate. By understanding these indicators, readers are empowered to assess their surroundings and make informed decisions about their personal safety.De Becker also sheds light on the mindset of predators and the tactics they employ. He explains that predators often rely on manipulation, charm, and the element of surprise to gain control over their victims. By understanding their strategies, readers can learn to recognise these tactics and avoid falling into their traps.One of the most valuable aspects of the book is the practical advice and strategies it offers for enhancing personal safety. De Becker emphasises the importance of situational awareness, teaching readers to be alert and observant of their surroundings. He provides techniques for assessing potential threats, setting boundaries, and using verbal and non-verbal cues to deter potential attackers.“The Gift of Fear” goes beyond physical self-defence techniques and focuses on the psychological and situational aspects of personal safety. While it doesn’t provide an exhaustive guide to self-defence, it equips readers with the knowledge and tools to make better decisions and take appropriate action to ensure their safety.What sets the book apart is its ability to strike a balance between empowering readers and instilling a sense of caution. De Becker acknowledges that while fear can be a powerful tool, it should not paralyse us or prevent us from leading fulfilling lives. He encourages readers to embrace their fear and use it as motivation to take proactive measures to protect themselves.By reading “The Gift of Fear” you can benefit in several ways: 1. Increased Awareness: The book helps you become more aware of potential dangers and threats in your environment. It teaches you to recognise warning signs and trust your intuition.2. Enhanced Personal Safety: You will learn practical strategies and techniques to improve your personal safety and protect yourself from harm.3. Empowerment: The book aims to empower readers by giving them the knowledge and tools to navigate potentially dangerous situations confidently.4. Improved Decision- Making: “The Gift of Fear” can help you make better decisions in situations involving personal safety. By understanding the dynamics of fear and intuition, you can respond more effectively and avoid unnecessary risks.5. Self-Defence: The book doesn’t focus on physical self-defence techniques but rather on the psychological and situational aspects of personal safety. However, it can complement other self-defence training by providing valuable insights into the minds of predators.I hope this review helps you in your decision to buy the book. One other point I bought a physical copy of the book, then a kindle version. I prefer the kindle version because the print in the physical book was very small and hard on the eyes.I got a lot from this book and I hope you will enjoy it. Stay safe and well. - Martin Acton