Momnesia Paperback – March 16, 2012

Being a Dad, I was curious to see what author Lori Verni-Fogarsi would be up to in her book Momnesia. My goodness, did she beat my expectations, or what? This mother narrator runs her own business, does everything for the two little girls, takes care of the household from A to Z, AND has to answer herself in conversations with hubby Paul.Every time she asks him a question there are only three possible answers: yes, no, and I don't know. Paul suffers from a disorder that makes him practically powerless to make decisions. When it's time to plan a date, he can't choose a restaurant. Put a menu in his hands, he can't decide what to order. Oh, and as you might have expected Paul is much more interested in TV than having sex.Killing him isn't an option; after all, Paul is the girls' father, isn't he? Yet this mommy has her needs. First and foremost she would like someone to talk to. Might be nice if he listened, for a change, for once. Her day is a whirlwind of getting the kids out of bed, washed, dressed, fed, and off to school, then cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, then taking care of customers.Like moms everywhere, this suffering mom devotes every waking moment to the other people in her life. She suffers from "momnesia," a syndrome of disappearance, the disappearance of the actual woman. She feels she's invisible.Endings are difficult, even unimaginable to a mom, thinking of her kids, but when she has a kind of near-death experience in the grocery store parking lot, she realizes enough is enough. Paul will go on like this until they're old, perfectly happy in their roles as perfect strangers. But she won't.Mustering the courage to leave Paul doesn't come easily to this narrator. One of the things I love about Momnesia is that we are given intimate access to her thinking process all the way through the year in which all this takes place. Paul is drawn rather starkly, completely unsuitable as a partner for anyone.Even so, the decision she has to make is a gigantic one. She turns to her friends for advice and support, and meets new friends as well. Nothing happens suddenly. Everything evolves naturally and feels right. Yet when a friend asks her for a photo of herself, a search through her computer reveals 400 photos of the kids, Paul, the pets, her with the kids, her with the pets, but none of her alone. Why are there no pictures of her? Because she's always been the one to snap the photos! No one ever snaps a photo of her. Why would they? She's invisible.Key events always involve courageous decisions to rebel against invisibility and once again do what she hasn't done since she became a mom. Listening to her old favorite music; going out dancing with friends; experimenting with a new sex toy she calls "Wascally Wabbit (I nearly fell off my chair laughing);" making friends with a stranger.Zest for life returns in direct proportion to the positive payback she gets from stepping out of the roles people expect her to fill. She doesn't have to neglect the children; she just has to focus on her own needs now and then every day. It's no spoiler to say Paul is a lost cause. We know it from the beginning.Observing the gradual transformation of the mommy-narrator is the beauty of Momnesia. It's a classic story, with a loveable, huggable narrator.Reach for the phone or your reading device or whatever it is you use right now, and order this book. Moms, Momnesia will give you strength. Dads, it will give you pause to think. I'm sure you're not at all like this dude, Paul, right? Please tell me that you're not.

I do believe there is a condition that should be called "Momnesia." We see it all around us. I see it in my own family. It is just to easy to lose "oneself" in motherhood. Get caught up in husband, kiddos and in what everyone else wants from Mom that Mom forgets what she wants - and needs, I might add, in her own life.This author's honest ability to bring it into focus is a charm for us females, and a joy to read. I thoroughly enjoyed her humor and felt each emotion she went through. You can't help but admire her gumption, her creativity and her take-charge attitude. I saw myself in her many times. I was in similar situations, even having to find my ex-husband his first apartment when he didn't want to leave after the divorce. I understand her frustration, he just didn't want to go. Sometimes one has to find him his own place and hand him the keys to get him to move on. It turns out to be the best thing you ever did, but not easy when you have kids. At least we don't think so, but in fact can go easier that one anticipates, as many households are commonly single-parent households. Kids don't feel that "different" anymore having two homes.My favorite part of this book is how she referred to her husband as having a "cat-face" when she tried to explain something to him. He just stares at her unblinking, knowing he hears her but not acknowledging, just like a cat does. She mentions the "cat-face" often, and one can just see him. She is hilarious. This was a delightful and fulfilling read. I highly recommend this to all Moms. I guarantee that you, as a woman and mother, will see yourself in more than one aspect or predicament in this novel. Oh, and be sure to read the comments at the ending. I bet there is one thing you didn't notice about this novel that is unusual (I didn't).

I read this book while at the beach - it was well written and definitely funny at times. Agree with other reviewers that it was a bit predictable (but isn't most chick lit?) and seemed like the author swapped out a few too many words with the help of a thesaurus. I was skeptical at first but glad I stuck it out as it picks up after the first few chapters. It was nice to read a book where the female lead loves being a mom but wants to make sure that being a mom isn't the only aspect of her identity. As a woman on the fence of motherhood I can vouch that this spoke to my current fears about taking on motherhood, as the loss of identity is something that sways me towards staying childless!

Absolutely loved this book