Jilly's Terrible Temper Tantrums: And How She Outgrew Them

I understand this is an alternative method in teaching children to handle their emotions, however, I deeply disliked the fact that Jilly is completely oblivious to others around her. She is not taught to take responsibility for her actions, such as when she throws a fit in a store, knocking all into disarray. Fine, a hug may calm her, but she also needs to learn the unpleasantness and appropriateness of apology and dealing with the consequences of her actions. She should have to say she's sorry and clean up after herself. This book seriously lacks on self-responsibility. No stars is my review. A one and done book at our home.

I bought this book somewhat on a whim based on the many rave reviews (many of which I now realized were from people who were given the book free in exchange for leaving a review with their thoughts and opinions) but it seemed like such a slam dunk. The person who wrote it seemed like they certainly had the credentials and knew what they were talking about. Other parents seemed to like it. What could go wrong?Speaking of credentials, here are mine. I am a parent whose oldest child just turned four. That's it. No fancy degrees or extended experience with other children. If anyone needs to discount my opinion because clearly my feelings and ideas are wrong for their kid (s) I totally get that.I was so excited to receive this book I read it on the way home from the mailbox but after the initial reading I was disgusted. Halfway through I actually thought "maybe in the second half Jilly is going to get to the meat and potatoes of some actual coping mechanisms". I also was a bit taken aback by some of the parents' reactions to Jilly's tantrums and unable to see how they were necessarily helpful to Jilly in the long run.So I decided to put it down and think it over, come back and re-read reviews to see if anybody else felt as I did. Then came back and read it a second time. I also decided in the meantime that the author and I may share some parenting philosophies but fundamental disagree on others. More on that later.I will go through each of Jilly's tantrums and explain what I agree with and what I disagree with.First, Jilly's tantrum over the chess game. I think it's great that daddy acknowledged Jilly's feelings and talked with her and offered her a reasonable alternative. Overall I think this situation was handled well. Though as a military spouse it hit me in the feels when he also said that he would always be there for a snuggle. There were many times after the birth of my second child when I would be using all available body parts and energy to care for the baby and daddy was on deployment and sometimes I just couldn't give my older child the physical love and attention that he demanded right this very second. My older son has learned in time to accept verbal forms affection when physical affection is not immediately available, but this was a tough process for him and definitely not one that happened overnight. After much repetition I think he understands unconditional love as it applies to his behavior and I think that is an important lesson covered in this book.Next is the situation with Jilly's playdate. Jilly has a disagreement with her friend and says some unkind things out of anger (in my experience this happens a lot with young children). I think this is good because it gives the readers a chance to discuss the consequences (yes, I used that word!) of using our language that way towards other people. How they might feel as a result. The book skips over that and goes straight to the solution. Let's have a talk with our friend and see if we can't come up with a compromise. Luckily the talk worked and everyone was happy. What if the talk hadn't worked? How did Jilly calm down enough to have the talk? How did the playmate feel about what Jilly said? We are left to speculate. (Maybe hopping for kangaroos has the same calming affect as deep breaths for humans?)Next is the toy shop. Very common cause of upset for most people I'm sure. So again Jilly's feelings are acknowledged and discussed by mommy. But this time Jilly doesn't easily accept the offer. So daddy sweeps Jilly off her feet, effectively distracting her from her emotions in an effort to move on. And realistically, I know this is often what parents are thinking in this situation. We're in public. This is noisy. I'm embarrassed. Just make it stop. But the solution here is not something I think should be taken lightly. Removing or distracting children from how they are feeling robs them of the opportunity to experience their feelings as they are naturally occurring and practice working through them. Learning different ways to deal with one's emotions takes a lot of practice at any age.Next scene. Jilly's toys are misbehaving. Cue ordinary meltdown. But wait, Jilly had matured and she doesn't need her tantrum now. She now knows how to put her feelings into words, to ask for help, and that mama loves her no matter what. I can get behind all these things. But it's also presented in the book as Jilly being dependent on mama. Instead of having a tantrum about the blocks she yells and screams that she needs mama (right now!) to come and help her (feel better.) Asking for help isn't bad. Wanting to talk it out in confidence isn't bad. But by the end of the story this is the only coping mechanism Jilly has learned. In our house sometimes my son may still be upset no matter how many loving adults he has available at the time. We still teach him to take deep breaths and to center himself so that he is able to talk to us. Sometimes he just wants daddy to be his sympathetic ear because his disagreement is with mommy but guess what? Daddy just isn't home. Daddy is not going to come home immediately just because of this and no, sorry daddy can't come to the phone right now either. So he either needs to learn to accept someone else in the moment, or he needs more techniques to help work through his feelings without daddy. So it may be true what they say no man is an island. (or child?) But there may be times when, in the moment, your emotional rock is unavailable and for the foreseeable immediate future (five minutes, an hour, a day) a person needs to learn healthy ways to work through their emotions on their own. I'm talking about emotional self-regulation and coping mechanisms and for me they are indispensable.Now that I have read this book twice on my own I think I am ready to introduce it to my 4 year old and I hope that he is more open than the daughter in the other 3 star review to discussing the book so that we can learn from it. In a nutshell I give the book 3 stars because it does have some good material. It is well written and the language is easy for young children to understand and identify with Jilly and the illustrations do a good job of capturing the main character's emotions. At the same time I don't feel right giving too high of a rating because I feel like the main character is taught to be dependent on others for emotional self-regulation and that natural negative consequences are sugar coated if not avoided entirely. This book is no stand alone. Parents will definitely need to supplement with additional ideas and techniques for the child and discuss how to apply them to each situation or to common situations your child may experience which are not covered by the book.

I am a social worker working with special needs children and thought this might help. I am working with a first-grader in a school setting who has outbursts​ when she doesn't get her way. What a waste! It only has parents coddling their child to guarantee hugs to help solve the problem. Why reward a child with attention when they act out? Often acting out is a cry for attention. A better tool for helping calm (five finger breathing, counting to 10, relocating to safe space), helping children find words for emotions (such as frustration, anger, jealousy, worry, etc.) and replacing with strong words for desired outcome would be more helpful. Perhaps I should write my own book. Sorely disappointed.

This is a cute book. It has helped my son with understanding what it looks like when he throws a bit of a fit. I do think the book could do a little better of telling Jilly what she's done wrong. It is good to show love to our children when they misbehave, but, for instance, when Jilly says she doesn't get what she wants so she doesn't like her friend anymore and her friend can just go home, I feel they can do a better job of telling Jilly that just because she doesn't get what she wants, it isn't okay to say mean things or act a certain way. (So I usually add a little bit of my own dialogue to the book) However, overall, the book is good to help little ones understand they can outgrow temper tantrums and make better choices when they get angry.

Bought this book for my 3 year old granddaughter. I've read it to her several times. I think the message is clear and well written. The illustrations are well done and appropriate. I know it help all the adults better understand temper tantrums.

This is a wonderful, playful, and informative book! Good for parents and kids alike. It is so refreshing to read a book that offers parents the opportunity to both wholeheartedly love and guide their children through those inevitable temper tantrums that all kids go through. It is an optimistic book because Jilly outgrows her temper tantrums when she learns to handle her upset feelings by turning to her parent for comfort in order to weather the storm and get back on track. All kids want to be loved, especially in those moments when they feel so unhappy and out of control. Love and loving regulation is the best medicine. I highly recommend this book.

You will feel the therapy sessions waft from the pages of the book, but it’s still a decent book with a good message. My kid likes it.

This book served well to inspire my husband and me to continue in our efforts to stave off emotional reactions to our toddlers emotional reactions. The kids like it too.