Party of One: Truth, Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness

Culture has taught us that life only begins once you get married and have babies-- a thing that doesn't always happen for everyone. What about those of us left single in our 30s, 40s, and beyond-- do our lives not have worth because we don't have a partner? I'd disagree.Joy Beth dismantles this lie and many others about singleness, marriage, and sexuality in Party of One. Using wisdom, a brilliant sense of humor, and Biblical truths, Joy Beth's uses her personal been-there experiences of singleness to break down the lies and insecurities of singleness as a Christ follower--where singleness is barely looked at as anything other than a stepping stone to marriage and "real-life."Our lives don't begin when we're married-we can have the life we've dreamed of now, with or without a mate. Joy Beth's book helps us see past the lies we've been told and live the life we're called to right now.This book is SO needed. In the church, in our communities, in the world. Married people, clergy, single people-- we all need this book. I needed this book, desperately. Let's stop treating singleness like it's a disease to cure, and let's start valuing singleness as something more than an in-between stage where we wait for life to begin.It's already begun, married or not.

After reading Party of One, I couldn't help but wonder if Joy Beth had been creeping on my text messages like some faceless government agent to pull material for her book. Her Jake is my Luke, her fears of being intimidating and feeling too much are ones I've expressed countlessly to my own merry band of ladies—heck, I even texted my best friends two weeks ago asking just that: why haven't I dated before and what is there in me that repels men/keeps me from finding love? I am only twenty-three, but that is definite Old Maid status in the South (my big sister married at 20 to put things into perspective, and I've yet to find a single boyfriend in my life). I've been on the receiving end of all those bits of bad dating advice Joy Beth outlines in her book, and I've been told many a time by well-meaning relatives (even my own mother) that I am just too much, too loud, too emotional, too independent, too strong-willed to find a man. I, like Joy Beth, tried the make-myself-smaller approach, tried to make myself more palatable, and it led to me feeling "smaller and lesser" as she said (I'm telling you, she read my mind!) I, too, bought into the lie of The One (something I still struggle with if I'm honest) but I think one of her most profound lines was " The only person we were made for was Jesus Christ, and to give that position to any human is to elevate a bond far higher than it can sustain itself." Wow. Joy Beth's words resonated soundly through my entire being, giving a broader voice to so many thoughts and beliefs I've developed as I tried desperately to improve myself to better my chances, then to somehow learn to love myself when that failed, and finally as I began to accept myself, warts and all. She speaks with a humor, grace, and frankness that is infectious and eases the shock of some topics that have been wrongly tabooed for millenia (female sex drive, anyone?). In fact, as a survivor of sexual abuse, I found her conclusions on sexuality and in particular her view that "sexuality also includes cultivating an awareness, ownership, and eventually an appreciation of one’s body" to be necessary and good. It took me years and a secular book in a random library to find the vocabulary to explain my own situation to myself and others, long after the abuse had ended. I wish desperately I could have been taught something like this. Cultivating this relationship with and appreciation/ownership of our bodies is so important in both singleness and for future relationships. Speaking of, I think I triple-highlighted her words on what kind of man she wants, because it's mine. I've said for at least seven years now that I long for a partner in life. It's my first statement of defense when family discussions (arguments) start up about how I'll never find a man because I'm too (XYZ), and a wife has to submit. That's always sounded like a load of garbage to me; from what I gleamed out of years of study and stories, marriage should be a partnership and that's what I've always desperately wanted. Someone to stand side by side and tackle the world with—and ironically, I have let go of relationships in which the man would bow down to me or take the lesser role. That mutual respect is just as important to me as mutual love, which means all those old Love and Respect books probably won't make it onto my shelf. In conclusion, I am ready to throw myself a parade. Borrowing from some of my favorite lines in this book, I feel confident now to live fiercely, drink deeply, and stand proud in the fact I am an intimidating woman charging through life like one of those Amazon warriors. No more purity-culture princess towers for me!

Are you single with ALL THE THOUGHTS on singleness? Married but wanting to know how to love your single friends better? In church leadership with not the slightest clue how to minister to the growing number of singles in your congregation? If you answered yes to any of those questions, this book is for you!Joy Beth wrestles with the topics that so many are scared to touch – singleness, sexuality, dating, and the church. She doesn’t shy away from talking about the hard things like the pain singles often face when looking unfulfilled desires squarely in the face or the lies we believe—and have been told our whole lives—about singleness. She tackles these topics with grace, wisdom, humor, and tons of stories that had me nodding my head, breathing deep sighs of relief, and starring huge chunks of text with “AMEN!” or “Yesssss!!!” written in all the margins.While this book may be geared toward the female single experience, I think it is a book of value and worth to be read by all people—men AND women, single AND married. It’s not just a fluffy read or pat on the back. It’s truth and grit and wisdom. It’s a theology of singleness that I can finally get behind.You and me? The Church? We desperately need this book.

A mentor of mine once told me that we should never scream what the Bible whispers. There are a lot of ways that the church has failed in its relationship to the single Christian through doing just that. The result has left a large segment of believers feeling like they don't measure up to the ideal. Joy Beth Smith points out these deficiencies in the way we look at singleness with grace and humor in a conversational style that feels more like having a cup of coffee with a friend than reading a book. As a man and husband and father, it would appear on the surface that this book isn't something that I'd have much interest in reading, but I'm quite glad that I picked it up. While there were many parts that had absolutely nothing to do with my journey, it allowed me to think about the world through the eyes of someone different than me and has left me motivated to be an ally to my brothers and sisters in Christ who aren't married and to celebrate them for who they are rather than trying to concoct ways to get them married off. I would highly recommend to church leaders who struggle to effectively minister to singles.

Relevant reading but will probably already be known by those who live a blessed single life in Christ. It SHOULD be read by all of the churches or society who treat us with suspicion or as lepers! lol

A great book! I recommend it to singles and non singles to read as there’s helpful information there for everyone. It’s relatable, fun and yet challenging!

Good read

Joy Beth Smith tackles what can be an extremely sensitive and painful subject for so many with humor, honesty, and lots of grace for herself and her readers. She offers stories (her own and others'), rather than pat answers and leaves you feeling like you've had a refreshing real discussion with your girlfriends.I found myself nodding along like a bobble-head for the bulk of the book as I recognized my own experiences and those of my friends in Joy Beth's stories (although hers are much funnier). Her frank vulnerability about the hard parts of being single is incredibly refreshing in a genre dominated by sugar-coating and cliche-wielding.Although written primarily for single women, this book is a must read for anyone who loves single people or pastors them. It's a love letter to those of us in the trenches from a sister in there with us.

Great service and item