Surviving an Affair

Harley's approach and insight is top notch. As a physician myself I'm pretty skeptical of "self help" books and counseling in general. My wife and I have had all the usual trials in a long marriage and this past year friends of ours recommended Dr. Harley's book "His Needs, Her Needs." I can frankly say it was instrumental in saving our relationship. We have made a commitment to read it out loud together every Thanksgiving. Surviving an Affair is a more targeted subject matter with some necessary overlap to HNHN. In my personal and professional opinion his book should be read by all couples to gain better insight of their relationship needs. Harley is admittedly a devout Christian but if that isn't your orientation don't fear. This isn't a "God will solve all" approach that is common in this genre. Harley's approach is quite frank and perhaps even raw. At times I was a little uncomfortable reading it with my wife and her reaction was the same. We are better for getting through the discomfort though and understand each other and ourselves better.

Very very helpful to survive and affair if you still love each other!.It may not make sense to a lot of people (including myself) who used to think 'how can a person have an affair if he loves someone?' but I learned the hard way that it's quite possible!.Don't make a major decision in the aftermath of a affair until you calm down, read books like this and think carefully. You may realize that it could have been a huge mistake, just like the affair itself. This was a good objective book to look at the whole picture from both sides and helped me to move on. Now we have a much better understanding and happier relationship than before. It's hard to believe considering that I could never imagine forgiving such a thing and we didn't even go to marriage counseling!.He realized his mistake and wanted to recommit and I realized life is sometimes full of surprises..

I chose this book due to the fact that there was a solid plan to work through the process of a)discovery of the affair, b)ending the affair and c)working through the problems that existed before the affair started. My story: I found out about the phone calls & texts and shared with my Significant Other that she was indeed cheating with an ex-girlfriend - emotionally. But... more was to be revealed. Turned out the full blown affair had been going on for close to a year. I had been cheated on before by other partners and would have never considered reconciling. Cheating has always been a non-negotiable in my mind. This book has truly shown what part I played and the only advice I would ever accept in reconciliation - no contact with the other woman. We are currently working on us and there has been no contact in over one month. I am still reading this book as well as another two to work on our relationship. With a willing Partner, I am able to work on us while not giving up on my life values. It can get better. Good Luck & Godspeed!

I got this book on the advice of my therapist, who I went to see after my husband left me for another woman. It had been a few months and I was not coping well at all, and thought there is no coming back from this. I still love him but even if he came back to me, how could I ever trust him again? I even went to see a lawyer. Well, he moved back in just to get the house ready to sell and one thing led to another and now we are trying to work things out. This book has given me a lot of advice that is really common sense. I could of been a real horrible person and did some nasty things, but my thinking was that that would just strengthen his reasons for leaving. I wanted to be the best I could be so when it did not work out with her he would see that he made a horrible mistake. I never thought that we would be trying to work it out at this stage. This book has described our story to a T. This author has another book I got called "His Needs Her Needs" It is very good.

This is a great book that I would recommend for anyone that has been cheated on. I keep an extra copy in my library so I can give it away to anyone that becomes the victim of a cheating spouse. It will help them immensely. This book was insightful and easy to read. Buy it for a friend or family member that is in crisis. They won’t be able to put it down once they start reading it.

I suvived my ordeal by following the advice in Dr. Harley's book as well as on his web site [...] I had an affair several months ago. I was totally confused, devastated, depressed, and thought about suicide. I tried looking for help but most people are not sympathetic toward the wayward spouse. I learned about Dr. Harley and was comforted to know that he understands the wayward spouse's feeling and point of view. I followed his advice regarding total separation from my lover valuable- it was the hardest thing in the world to do- I loved him and the thought of never communicating with him devastated me. But I am so glad in retrospect that I lived throught the withdrawel. I now have a better relationship with my husband, and after three months of not communicating with my lover, I can now see the affiar for the mistake that it was. I am very grateful to Dr. Harley- his iron-clad policy regarding total separation with my lover was absolutely right!I highly recommend this book especailly if, like myself, you are having an affair and would like advice on what to do next. I understand your pain and struggle. Trust me, buy this book, or at least go to his website and read the articles. You might think that total separtion from your lover is impossible. Trust me, the pain was excruciating, but it was it. I saved my marriage and my life. And you can save yours.

this is a very helpful book for a couple dealing with the furor of betrayal. i wish there was more said about creating a functional, solid marriage when one party is not willing to spend the large amount of time involved, or to evolve in their intimate communication to include meaningful, mutual sharing, but both spouses are committed to staying married. ideas for how a giving spouse can persist in meeting her partners needs regardless of his own response would be so helpful.

The book goes through and explains both sides of an affair, then goes to explain how to avoid it in the future and provides answers to those who finds themselves in such a situation with step by step proven solutions on how to deal with it. I recommend this books as it is a preventative medicine for your relationship if you haven't gone through the tragedy of an affair and also gives an advice of how to deal with an affair. It is well worth the money.

I think that the approach taken by Dr. Harley puts him among the top of the experts on saving marriages. The book is a bit repetitive and could have been shortened. But, either way, the information is a gold mine.

easy to read, even for those who don't have English as their mother tongue, clearly outlined, a step-by-step guide - a way to get out of the devastating experience of an affair

easy reading to put things into a little perspective when you are living through the worst pain EVER

There is lots of helpful tips and information to implement in your marriage and with your spouse. I found it helpful