The People Pleaser's Guide to Loving Others without Losing Yourself

This book had me at hello. Actually, it had me wanting to put it down because I was looking at an uncomfortable quiz score that showed I was definitely a people pleaser, and not necessarily for the right reasons. I was able to pick it back up and start reading the remedy for this. And was relieved that I could, in fact, become a recovering people pleaser and not lose who I was. Mike has artfully provided not only explanations through his storytelling abilities, but hope of moving into a healthier place with easy to follow building blocks. I recommend this book to all those who have a hard time saying no and end up exhausted, worn out, and just plain beat down. I would put it right up there with Cloud’s and Townsend’s Boundaries. I’m even giving a copy to my therapist.

It's easy for many, myself included, to discount the idea of being a people pleaser. Especially when we've circled the sun for over a half century! "Surely," we reason, "I've outgrown that!"But no. Dr. Mike Bechtle's book opened my eyes to many people pleasing tendencies I still have, even after some tremendous self-reflection and personal growth over the last several years. I took his inventory and, while my score did not bust through the roof, it was high enough to see yes, I have a problem. Realizing that, I could approach the rest of the book with the humility of a real learner. And I did.I loved Dr. Bechtle's many anecdotes, his witty, self-deprecating approach, his honesty. I found his structure reassuring, and the ten building blocks in the last section spot on and helpful. I have highlighted so many parts and intend to revisit this book again and again. I think I'm headed in the right direction now, thankfully. This book is not just imminently readable, it is also highly actionable. I recommend it without reserve.

Like another reviewer wrote, "Where was this book when I needed it years ago?" I've been a recovering people pleaser for many years now and if I'd had this book available then, I would have saved myself a lot of struggle. This book is filled with wisdom, encouragement, and practical support. I've read all of Mike Bechtle's books and I've never been disappointed. Only given help to improve my life.

Dr. Bechtle provides clear strategies for people who want to learn to use their people-pleasing bents for good--for themselves and the good of others. He leads the readers to understand that there is another way to overcome hindering people-pleasing tendencies than to become selfish or self-centered. That is to find value in our uniqueness and to use it to serve others. I will be using this book in the counseling office, and I recommend it if you are trying to overcome the barriers in your life caused by hindering people-pleasing tendencies.

If you are a people pleaser or even if you have a people pleaser in your life, this book is so helpful. I absolutely loved the premise that to become a healthy people pleaser it does not have to be an all or nothing decision, you can still love people well, but you first have to learn to love yourself. Dr. Bechtle helps not only break down what this looks like, but offers so many practical strategies for how to start incorporating this in your life today.One of my favorite parts of this book was when he discusses the concept of people pleasers seeing others not as individuals, but as the mirrors by which they measure their own value and worth. What an eye opener! Once I realized that this was something I do regularly, it helped bring a new understanding to what motivates my interactions with others and how those interactions effect me. Thankfully, Dr.Bechtle doesn't just highlight this behavior he also offers insight as to why this is happening and how to change these thought patterns.There are so many more concepts like this in the book that helped me to understand people pleasing and to feel excited about learning to love others well without losing myself.

I loved the different perspective on people pleasing! Dr. Mike Bechtle shares why people pleasing isn't necessarily a bad thing! I also liked how the book shared different fears we have and how they relate to people pleasing! Easy to read and great content. I had my highlighter out the whole time!!!

As a life-long PEOPLE PLEASER, I was delightfully surprised that I too could become a healthy and confident, self-controlled pleaser! Yay! A pleaser, who is no longer controlled by what others think and no longer willing to jump through flaming hoops to meet their needs.As Dr.Bechtle stated in his book, “there is a big difference between “serving people” and “wanting to be seen as someone who serves people”. I didn’t know there was a difference.The Quiz at the beginning of the book, was super helpful in understanding what kind of People Pleaser I was…. and why! Armed with a new understanding, Dr. Bechtle then digs in and presents 10 building blocks needed to form a new healthy foundation. This new foundation allows you to choose and use your people pleasing skills in the healthiest possible way and positively impacting the lives of others around you.Thank you Dr. Bechtle! Excited to put what I have learned to use!

I have the honor of leading the I Can't Come Down Book club and this was our February read. I can't put into words how powerful this book was. As I read it, I honestly felt that this book was not just for people pleasers. It's for PEOPLE. I love how Mike gave such practical tools and relatable concepts to help transform from the inside out. The chapters were easy reads but pack full of wisdom. I would recommend this book to any and everyone.

If you find it hard to say no, shy away from conflict, risk or rejection, or simply find yourself wondering too often how others perceive you - this book is for you. Bechtle's well written book has helped me see that people pleasing has many faces. It can appear laid back or attention seeking, helpful or cautious or controlling. But people pleasing is always exhausting because "one person only has enough energy to work on themselves".Bechtle says understanding the fears that motivate us is the key that unlocks the trap of people pleasing. He helps us do just that, then gives us a new way of seeing the world - conflict, rejection, relationships. His practical advice helps us become more honest and go deeper in our relationships - to truly be ourselves - not stay superficial, trying to please or appease. And, as we break free from our people pleasing ways, we become free to actually care for people because we want to help, not out of obligation or under duress.

Mike's book has some great insights into why a person often feels the need to be a people pleaser and how to change that need into something more helpful to others and more healthy for the "people pleaser". After reading this book I began to discover that I was becoming more and more of a people pleaser as I advanced in my career which was not healthy at all!! After reading this book I am learning to recognize those patterns and change my behaviours. Highly recommend this book!