For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men Hardcover – August 23, 2004

Today, for Labor Day, I wanted to relax - do something I rarely get to do that I really enjoyed. I ordered this book because I’m a single woman preparing for marriage, and my pastor highly suggested I read books about understanding men to help me prepare for being a wife. The book came in yesterday, so I decided to read it as my relaxation for the holiday.I’ve NEVER read a book in a day…until now! I’m a slow reader. I like to digest passages, take notes, do external research - all while I read, so it takes me a while to finish a book. But, not this one! I literally couldn’t stop turning the pages. It was so insightful, so eye opening, so TRUE! I cried, laughed, questioned, and went through every other possible emotion while reading this book. Most importantly, I understood. I opened my mind, closed off offense and selfish reasoning, and just understood. I put myself into mind of men and took note of what was important to them. I took a hard look at myself, my assumptions about men, and my prior unwillingness to understand them - and I’m so glad I did. I strongly suggest EVERY woman - old, young, married, single STUDY this book. Thank you Shaunti!

This is truly a must read for any woman! I think the key point to take home is that men need to feel respected like we need to feel loved and that these primary needs we have are just different enough that our approach to everyday issues is very different. Who knew that guys perceive reminders as an affront to their abilities? Who knew most men would rather feel unloved than disrespected? Who knew that the simple day to day things we sometimes say and do can challenege our mens' sense of manhood? This book answered some questions about men's behavior for me. I too thought that his walking away was a negative thing but it turns out most men need to withdraw to process how they are going to respond/proceed. The author lists key points in how men process thoughts and actions differently from women when it comes to their relationships and cites data she and her team collected. She uses examples and quotations which aid in the eye opening messages she gives. The men are visual and lust is wired into them part was fascinating. I would caution that this book has a progressively Christian slant to it and so this section becomes apologetic to a fault. I would tell the author that "Ok, I get it, men are visual. You started to lose me when you got defensive for men and then got too religious about it. Sometimes presenting facts is enough said." The author describes how men have a photo library of visual images that they are wired to collect constantly while women generally are not. As an example she cites her husband's asking her whether after seeing an attractive male actor onscreen she ever found herself seeing that image the next day. He was shocked she said never. I would say never also. She goes on to say how pornography can be so appealing to some men because of the visual images and the inherent "I want you". She gets quite defensive of how men are wired to lust after women. I have ZERO issue with my hubby appreciating beauty in any form. He is evolved enough to say things like "yeah that guy is hot, don't you think honey? Heck if I were a woman I'd be into him!" So I can validate his visual sense and say similar things back about beautiful women. I think he has fewer struggles with the visual thing for 3 reasons; 1) he is artistic so he appreciates beauty for what it is 2) he can very easily separate appreciation of beauty from a sense of guilt or sin or wrong doing of any kind. 3) he is not in fear of religion. And THAT is where the over zealousness re sin, lust etc in the book started to grate on me. Getting too religious about it all had a backhanded effect on me. I didn't need all the Biblical references and metaphors, analogies. That being said the basic tenets of the book are fascinating, eye opening and the author is quite successful at showing how critical understanding these tenets is to a successful relationship. This book taught me that I need to tell my husband (and my son also for that matter, so he can feel empowered as he embarks on his life's journey as a man - another AHA moment I had listening to this book) the many words of praise and appreciation I use telling other people how wonderful he is. It's not about his missing a small detail somewhere in the day to day but what we BOTH need is for me to voice my appreciation so he can feel loved the way he needs it and so that I can feel the full impact of his love back. Doing this is the single most important thing he needs from me. There's a good section on sex and male/female differences in perception of it's role in a relationship. Not as eye opening as some other points she presents. This is not a ultra conservative, woman is subservient message. It's a very positive and loving, don't assume cause you're likely to assume wrong message. I would tell my children to pick a mate based on how they would envision each other being open to the message of this book. I think I would even give this book and it's companion for men (I haven't read it yet but deduce what it might say based on this one) as engagement gifts...or sooner.A worthy read/listen. I guess I would tell my "sisters" out there, don't be too rigid about the actual words of the book, but really listen to the message behind it. If you let your man know/feel how much you truly appreciate what he is and does in all the ways that matter, to him and to you, he will feel empowered and be more loving.

I am in my 30s, been married for 4 years, and am a full-time working mom. My marriage has been in distress, and my husband refused to go to counseling. I purchased this book in hopes of finding some guidance.The book is a very quick read. I was surprised at how small the book actually is; however the book is loaded with information. I liked that it was written from the women's perspective and that the author provided stories about her struggles with her husband. The information was very relatable, and I definitely had a couple of "ah-ha!" moments. There were passages that seemed to describe my husband perfectly. I am not very religious; however I was not turned off by the biblical references.My question is, now what??! I am not sure how to implement changes to improve my marriage. The book explains that a husband absolutely needs to be respected and affirmed. There was a little guidance, but I need help with how to really implement changes. The lack of practical tips left me disappointed, but overall I thought the message of the book was very helpful. The survey results are undeniable and help me understand the importance of respect in a marriage.My husband and I are stuck in a cycle of lack of respect on my part and lack of love on his part. I am very hurt and angry, but I want to better my marriage. I am going to try the following actions for the next 30 days to see if there is an improvement. I have not talked to my husband about this book yet, I am going to wait to see if I get results.My 30-day action plan:1) Always accept his opinion and judgement on a matter and only offer my opinion if asked2) Initiate casual physical connections at least once a day (ie: rubbing shoulders, sitting next to on couch, etc.)3) Initiate sex at least once a weekI will give an update regarding the results. I am unsure about item #1 above. I consider myself a modern feminist; however I know that my husband thinks that I am critical and demanding. I am hopeful that by acting more respectful that he will in turn actively seek out my opinion so we have an equal relationship. I certainly don't have anything to lose at this point. I already thank him on a regular basis for important little things that he does to help with our child and around the house. I also tell him that I love him and always ask him about his day. (Wish he would do the same for me!) Any other tips would be appreciated!UPDATE 05/08/2013:We are definitely in a much better place in our relationship now compared to 30 days ago. I did not follow my plan exactly as I had intended, but I did make a lot of changes. I also learned a lot about how I treat my husband and how I need to continue to change.Comments about my specific action plan steps:1) I often forgot that my plan was to always accept his opinion. I need to work on this area. I have found that if I carefully listen to what he has to say, acknowledge what he has said, and then offer my two-cents - he is much more open to my opinion. Or if I wait awhile and then later offer my opinion, that works too. My DH just really wants to feel that he is heard and that his opinion is respected.2) I often forgot to initiate casual physical connections until the very end of the day. I admit that it felt like a chore on my "to-do" list which is really horrible. It made me realize how much our relationship has changed from our early courtship to now being parents of a toddler. I am working on being more casually physical, and my DH seems to really appreciate it. He has been reciprocating quite a bit.3) I only did this once the whole month. Epic fail on my part. I am committing to implementing this step during the next 30 days.Although I was not successful at carrying out each action step - it did open my eyes in a big way. I realize that I can make a lot of positive changes in our relationship. I also realized that I critique my husband A LOT about things around the house that need to be done or should have been done differently. He NEVER critiques me. Literally, never. I would hate to be treated the way I treat him. So I am definitely working on making changes in that area too. If I continue to be aware of my actions, I am confident that things will continue to improve. I plan on talking to my DH at some point about the book, but I am waiting until we are on more solid ground.

In some ways I wish I had read this 20 years ago, although it probably wasn't written then but I might have understood my first husband a whole lot more than I did and it might have made a huge difference.Well worth a read!

Really enlightening reading into the heart of men. No holds barred look at what men really think. If you care about your man, then this will make you sit up and get your act together. Remember, if you complacent and don’t fight for your relationship there is always another woman waiting in the wings. Wish I had this years ago!

Love this book! Always have had a fascination with men and how they function. I have come to know over the years that the needs of men and women are completely the reverse and so different. What we say often gets lost in translation to our original intentions, and how they act sometimes gets lost in translation to what they really mean. Men have respect at the top of their list and women have love at the top of theirs but somehow we must navigate through that to communicate and understand one another.Insightful, real and soooo relevant. This goes a little deeper than another one of my faves, "love and respect" by Dr Emerson Eggerichs as it is based primarily on extensive research through the surveying of approximately 1000 men from all walks of life.A book not just for those married or with partners but also those who are wanting to be become a well informed woman (and in some ways make their lives a little easier before that time comes) even whilst single.Read this book within a few days, a record time for me ;-) No doubt this will also be a book I revisit at least once a year similarly to Love & Respect.

I guess it’s all true if the 100 men have said so. However a lot has been “left” up to God and prayers. And since I’m not a religious person who am I to pray that my “husband” doesn’t have a desire for another woman who is dressed provocatively.

I have read alot on relationships, even done courses on marriage, but this was on a totally different level. Down to earth, easy to read, FUNDAMENTALS about the man in your life. I really can't express highly enough what this book has done to help me - and I thought I knew it all! The government should issue this (and the For Men Only sister book)with a marriage licence!!