Collision with the Infinite: A Life Beyond the Personal Self

The only book that I've found which talks in depth about what if feels like to lose your personal sense of self, or ego, and how the mind and body continue to function with a personal identity. And what the one consciousness of infinity feels like. 10/10

At some point, or many, in our lives, we are going to have a small or big 'awakening' to the true nature of our lives. From the perspective of the mind, this is a process that has many layers and deepens in many ways over time. When it occurs more powerfully, there is a distinction seen between on the one hand, the self, its fears and its desires, and on the other, the ground of all being from which the self arises, and in whose gaze the self is known. An exclusive identification with the self may give way to a different sense of what that reality expressing itself through this body and mind is. In the ancient texts of all religions, the culmination of this has been described by terms that are usually translated as enlightenment, freedom, realisation, deification, annihilation.Suzanne Segal's memoir is an intimate, vivid description of this, for the lack of a better word, 'process', although apparently one that does not reach full fruition, in the life of an ordinary person in modern times. The old self, with its fears and desires, continues, while a new aspect of life opens up in Segal's experience. The interaction between the old self, its hopes, simple joys, sexual life, anxieties, traumas, repressed memories, shocks and this unfathomable, infinite, vastness of energy that exploded into the body-mind that the author was is what this very honest book is about.Each person who has an awakening experience will have it in their unique way. There are as many journeys in this universe as there are persons. Yet, each person will, in their own way, experience the same duality of the relationship between the opening made by the awakening process and the old self. Unlike what many popular spiritual teachings claim, this, by no means, is necessarily an easy or pleasant process, but rather one that has traditionally been facilitated by the help of teachers and communities of people dedicated to it, all of them with the awareness of the darkness in the human soul that can be unleashed by the power of reality.In modern times, when such teachers and communities may not be easy to find, and where they are found, they may work against this process rather than for it - as can be seen in some of the scandalous and shadow sides of several spiritual organisations - this process may have to be lived alone for a long time, if not forever. New ways of associating with others on a similar journey are evolving, where authority and dogmatic knowledge are given a lower value than basic human relationship, but this is very much a work in progress.Suzanne Segal's memoir is then an immensely valuable document of such a life, and for anyone interested in understanding the dynamics of such a life. It serves as one illustration of a person's journey through the murky waters of awakening, the challenges and potentialities that lie therein. It also shows that 'awakening' is as old as human beings are - perhaps 2 million years - but in our century and the previous one, the forms it takes can be significantly different, even if the echoes of the realised beings of the past are never far away. It is as if, in our times, awakening is seeking individuals in who it can abide and flower, after the catalytic transformation of their mind and body. Like the author of this book, it may come to many who have no idea what it is and don't want it, and it may never come to those who religiously practice a technique to take them further in the spiritual life.Truly, it is a collision with the infinite that is being spoken about here. And this is among the most honest, moving and intense books written about it. If you have experienced having been hit and torn by an unknown force that pours in unceasing depths of energy, this book may help you find a rough map through reading the story of another human being who once had the same experience.

Page print is ok. The book itself gives a lot of insight. It was worth the read if you are looking for information on phases of higher consciousness.

Genuine story but also confusing in the end

Actually, Suzanne did start meditating at a very early age. She went through years of TM and became an instructor. So it's not like she had absolutely no training or background into what happened. I wouldn't compare this to, say, Eckhart Tolle or Sri Ramana Maharshi, who genuinely had done no meditation at all prior to their experience. Suzanne even talks about Cosmic consciousness, and unity consciousness and God consciousness prior to this experience. I found her extremely detailed explanations and descriptions of her state quite laboured and boring. I was rather disappointed with her insisting that there is nothing you can do, even though I do understand that the person or seeker is a construct. Most masters or gurus who say there is nothing you can do have done years of intense practice themselves. Sri Ramana who was liberated spontaneously always maintained that you have to strive for liberation like someone drowning trying to come up.

I loved that book, great experience.

I got a lot our of reading this. For anyone who has newly discovered abiding awakening, Suzanne's story can answer some of the challenges that come with it, an inspiring journey nonetheless. I so appreciate her leaving her story with us.

This book may be hard to come by, it is officially out-of-print. The copy I received was printed in India. This is the story of Suzanne Segal's spontaneous & unexpected spiritual awakening at age 27, while she was pregnant and stepping onto a bus in Paris. However, this 'awakening' happened long after Suzanne had stopped doing Transcendental Meditation (TM). Suzanne had been a part of the official TM organization for many years, and was what I would call 'a natural meditator' from a young age. Suzanne talks at length about the TM part ofher life, and why she left the TM organization. I will not get into that here.One would think suddenly being 'awakened' would be a pleasant experience overall, esp. for a person heavily schooled in the practice of meditation. Not so with Suzanne. Not what she expected at all. The nature of Suzanne's awakening was very disorienting & troubling for her. I can understand this, since the her personal experience of this abrupt 'awakening' happened in a public space. At the same time, isn't the goal of TM to have a Awakening? Apparently Suzanne was either not fully informed of what the awakening experience might be likeby the TM people? At the same time, I was not in her shoes, and from what I gather, awakening experiences differ widely from person-to-person. And Suzanne's experience was particularly disturbing for her. She experienced it as suddenly not being in her body anymore, and was viewing herself from slightly above & behind herself.Suzanne is somehow persuaded that medical doctors and psychologists can help her with 'this condition'. (Perhaps because her husband was a M.D.?) This decision to handle what is diagnosed as her 'break from reality', is obviously mis-diagnosed from the start, and once one decides 'something is wrong with me', it is hard to get off that track. And what a track it is.....Suzanne spends years talking to and seeking help from a whole host of psychologists (years of anguish), before finally, many years later, talking a person having some awareness of the nature of spiritual awakenings. It is only after this that Suzanne finally starts to understand in full measure what has happened to her, and what it means.Suzanne's eventually gets steered correctly, and becomes a psychologist herself, and an advisor to many other psychologists.This is overall a happy story, although at the end, Suzanne does die rather young of brain cancer.Maybe this does not sound like a Happy Story, but it is.I get the feeling that Suzanne somehow ended up fighting or resisting her 'awakening' since it came upon her so unawares?Perhaps that is the explanation for her continued 'disorientation' during the first months (years) of her initial awakening: resistance, denial?Why certain things happen to certain people like they do.....has always been a bit mysterious. But I am one of those people who believe nothing happens that is not supposed to happen. (Or it would not have happened at all.) Either everything is random, or nothing is random.Take your choice. I been up both paths. And I have decided 'everything makes sense', even if I don't understand the why's or wherefores.Suzanne had quite a ride in this lifetime, and it was a pleasure to read about her experience even if it was very bumpy trip.After all, isn't being Awakened what most spiritual seekers seek? And Suzanne was one of those seekers in her early years, and yet when her particular flavor of awakening came upon her, albeit unexpectedly, she did not recognize it for what it was, and it put her in a state of fright which is never good. And fear misdirected her, which is sad, but it is her story, her experience.Anyone who is a seeker of Enlightenment will probably enjoy Suzanne's story, but it is hopefully an uncommon one.Lots of morals to this story, but you can make up your own.

No problems with delivery.The book itself is small and feels like its handmade. The print inside is askew on many pages and a string runs through the book to hold it together. I personally loved this about the book. Having read the book in 3 sittings (and I'm a slow reader) I felt the need to turns the pages carefully so as not to spoil the integrity of the book.I've spent 12 years exploring spiritual books and studying the path to enlightenment, yet I've never stumbled upon a book like this before. Suzanne describes her shift of consciousness so clearly and concisely, and has a incredibly unique way with words.Though what she experienced is clearly indescribable, I had endless breakthrough moments and a sense that I was reading deep truths.I had read a negative review before reading the book which suggested that there was a concluding chapter after Suzanne's account (and after the questions and answers) , written by Stephan Bodian, her psychotherapist and subsequent book editor. I wondered if the reviewer was being cynical but found that this final passage in the book absolutely stumped me and left me feeling surprisingly agitated and unsure what to make of it.I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in enlightenment and the process and experience of transitioning.My only quarm is that perhaps Stephans comments could have been contained in his own account of Suzanne's journey rather than at the end of what I can only describe as a masterpiece

Suzanne Segal's story is the subject of a great deal of controversy and debate within non-duality circles, but the way she writes about the experience of no-self, is compelling. I have read the book at least twelve times, and every time I read it I am amazed at the subtle power of her words and the magnetic pull of her writing style. This is one of several books I recommend to people who are interested in enlightenment because it helps to shatter the idea that one can practice one's way to what one already IS! The illusion under which all seekers labor is the idea that there is a person, a "me," who can do something to wake up from the dream of separateness. There isn't, and Suzanne's book makes this crystal clear. It is not uncommon to read this book repeatedly and find that each reading penetrates the body/mind more deeply. Unlike Suzanne, most people do not suddenly have selfhood blasted away in one momentous event, and do not suffer years of fear afterwards, so her story raises lots of interesting questions. Unfortunately, she died at an early age, so many of those questions will remain forever unresolved. Depersonalization, which is how most therapists diagnosed her condition, is not usually equated with enlightenment, and most people who experience depersonalization want nothing to do with it; they would prefer to get their old sense of selfhood back. The fact that Suzanne came to terms with it, and accepted an alternative interpretation of it, is, alone, a fascinating twist. If nothing else, her story is a great read and illustrates how mysteriously the field of our infinite being can sometimes manifest.